Don't Get Me Started.

Yeah. I know.

It's been a stretch since the last update of this blog. I'd like to say it's a long story, but there's really a pretty basic explanation. I got bogged down by a promotion at work, then suddenly found myself relatively un-bogged. In the meantime, the Nevada Palace has completely vanished. Every now and then in the past two months I've snapped a photo or two with my cellphone.











Nothing left now, and they're ready to begin paving the parking lot. It's a bit depressing to see even the old Vegas landmarks go away, but the new Cannery looks like a decent place and I'll check it out. They're opening in August.


Not far from my crappy job, there's a Wal-Mart. Hell, it can be argued that not far from everything there is a Wal-Mart. So, like any other 40-year-old man with a Vegas blog, I always head straight for the toy section and look at the boobs on the action figures.



Some chick from the Dark Horse Body Bags comic book. I don't know the character's name, but it's an accurate representation of the comic character in that she has massive breasts. I have a couple of issues in storage in Texas, I think. I just have to wonder how many of these are selling. I think they'd sell more if the clothing was removable. Possibly to me. I'm just sayin'.



Genuine licensed Barbie Grease dolls. Pictured: Frenchy, the pink-haired beauty school dropout, Sandy, the virginal 30-year-old Australian high-school senior, and Rizzo, the cigarette-smoking slut. For complete realism, Rizzo should come with a home-pregnancy kit. It always bugged me that Didi Cohn, the actress who played Frenchy, didn't have a bigger career. She was in Almost Summer and then lip-synched herself to a starring role in the movie version of the song You Light Up My Life and was back just in time for Grease 2. Then she was on Benson. I always thought she deserved better. Well, at least these clothes are removable.


I can't verify that this is a genuine Barbie product...but I'm pretty sure it is, or it wouldn't be shelved with them. Mattel is pretty strict about its shelf space, and Wal-Mart doesn't screw around. Anyway. Wow. Most highly-sexualized Barbie ever. Clothes are not only removable, but they're barely there anyway. Nice feathered '70s hair.


Construction continues on the Tommy's Burger next to the Wal-Mart at Nellis and Boulder Highway. This is a huge deal because it's a long way out to the location at Eastern and St. Rose Parkway, and Tommy's makes some kick-ass chili burgers. I can taste them now.


Amusingly-named product located at Albertsons. I know it's immature. But...yam glaze. For times when one has to glaze one's own yams, it's good to know that Albertsons is open 24/7.


These people are not dead. Welcome to the park next to the downtown transit terminal. Each and every one of these people are useful and industrious individuals when they're not drunk. Which is hardly ever, to be honest.




The pigeons at the downtown transit terminal are not scared of you. They walk right up to you and hit you up for change. I suspect that they are the reincarnated souls of homeless people. Pigeons, like homeless people, are silent and strike quickly. You see them and then, like that they're gone. Like Kaiser Soze, or ninjas, or something.


Cops behind the restaurant where I work, shaking down the homeless. They recently built a small tent city behind the Long John Silver's next door and keep getting evicted. They frequently come into the lobby and dig through the trash for food, and yet almost always can afford large cans of beer. It's a mystery.



Vehicle spotted in the Long John Silver's parking lot next door. Apparently an advance diplomatic vehicle for Darth Vader's Imperial Guard. Seriously. Someone is driving this around. And probably without any shame whatsoever.



Plaza Hotel downtown. Home of the "Lucky 7's Buffet", which is not bad for $7.77 any time of the day. I did have trouble getting a beverage refill, and they were completely out of cheesecake when I was there, but it was during a peak period and I see how these things can happen.


Promotion spotted outside of Binion's. Fake Vanna White seems a million miles away, Fake Joe Rogan seems to really be into the game, and Fake Ed Begley Jr. looks on approvingly. Please note that he is absolutely not looking at the cleavage of Fake Vanna White. I mean, not even trying. This, along with the classy Hawaiian shirt, indicates to me that Fake Ed is a boob man. Fake Vanna, while doing okay for herself, is less than an f-cup and not to be seriously considered by any self-respecting tit freak.

Or maybe I'm just projecting.

Love and Death and the $4.99 Chicken Fried Steak.

Maybe not so heavy on the love and death part, to be honest. But in my quest to venture out and experience local casinos and their greasy spoon specialties, I went into the Chuck Wagon Restaurant at the Longhorn Casino. It's a tiny, tiny casino with a miniature 24-hour restaurant built right in. And, for the money, $5.38 cents or so, it wasn't bad. The house specialty is a 8-ounce $4.99 chicken fried steak with potatoes, eggs, and toast. As usual, the eggs were over easy, and the drink of choice was water. There was a 4-ounce steak available, but it was just $1 cheaper. I figured I could handle the full one...since I was hungry, and I was already a house.


The Longhorn is one of the few old-style "western" places left in Vegas. Back in the day, they were all like this, so I have to wonder how long this place will remain.


Not a bad meal, but I like my chicken fried steak with more breading and very crispy. I'm picky about these things, but I understand that would add cost and it's important to keep prices down in this shaky economy.


The place was filled with blue-hairs and locals who seemed to eye me suspiciously as I sat and ate while listening to The Savage Nation in my headphones. It was crawling with security people for some reason, and I think somebody got spooked when I hastily took a picture of my meal and put my phone away. Maybe they think I'm a food critic. That would be a fantastic job. The Longhorn Casino is right across the street from the former Nevada Palace, by the way.


At Saver's, "The Thrift Department Store", there are many weird Darth Vader hats. It's weirder than that, because these look more like Rick Moranis' "Dark Helmet" hat from Spaceballs. Not quite visible in this (or any) shot is the Miss Piggy doll directly behind the hats.


There were many people around, but I took the chance of looking retarded and feeling like a fool by snapping a photo of myself in one of the $1.99 hats. I do this for the blog...and for the love of comedy.


Hooray for the $19.99 computer running Windows XP. Slowly. But it's got Total Recorder on it now and it's mostly being used to record Phil Hendrie so that I can listen later on my MP3 player. I know...I'm a weirdo.


Hard to see, but that's a guy living behind the trash can area of the Arby's on Boulder Highway. He used to camp out at the Car Title Loan place next door, but the cops came and made him move. He mostly sleeps all day and uses a walker to get around.


More stealthy photos taken at the bus stop in front of the Arby's on Boulder Highway across from Sam's Town. I couldn't help but notice a certain female with a trendy fashion accessory...an ankle monitor.


Taking pictures of these kinds of things is tricky, especially at a crowded bus stop full of drunks and felons. In the end I had to hold the phone at my side and snap the pictures randomly, hoping to catch a shot.


She wasn't bad looking, really. I like the thicker chicks and I have a certain history with "unstable" women. She did have a name tattooed in the area where the ankle monitor was, but I couldn't get close enough to read it.


The best evidence of what we're dealing with here. Las Vegas is full of people on house arrest. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Brokedown Palace.

Nevada Palace, just before closing last week.



Nevada Palace, today. They've started taking the sign down now, and there's a huge metal fence around the whole property. The place still lights up at night, or did last night anyway...eerie and ghostlike, as if there are still phantom gamblers inside, playing blackjack with the dealer from Hell. Or something. Maybe I'm just high. I suspect that there won't be an implosion on this one. It'll be a lot like the Stardust. Some guys will come by and just start knocking crap over with a bulldozer. Very anti-climactic.



The Las Vegas sign. Not the famous Las Vegas sign on Las Vegas Boulevard, but the other one. This one is on Boulder Highway as you enter the city limits, more or less. Looks pretty much identical to the real sign, and for all I know they put duplicates on all major roads entering Vegas, but this one is in front of an Albertsons and a Burger King less than a block from where I live. Keep driving for many, many miles and Boulder Highway becomes Fremont Street. Just behind the sign you can see the former Nevada Palace and the much larger Eastside Cannery Casino being built behind it.

Sorry, Charlie.

Las Vegas is in a valley, completely surrounded by mountains. Some would say that it's a "melting pot", though "cesspool" would be a more accurate word. And when I say "cesspool", I say that with love. This is the view of the Big Lots on Charleston from across the street. I'm standing at a bus stop in front of the Wal-Mart. The sad part of using the cellphone to take these pictures is that it doesn't capture all the real detail of the mountains...it was quite a beautiful scene. At some point in the future I'll be switching to an actual digital camera, since the only way I can get pictures from this phone is to send them to myself in a pic message. Rip off!


Ah. Arizona Charlie's on Boulder Highway at Indios. What can I say? It's a place to gamble in more places than one. If you've ever eaten here you know what I mean.


The close-up of the Charlie's sign. Again, it was a much better shot than this phone would allow me to take. Stupid phone! You are the source of all my problems!


Arizona Charlie's is a place mostly frequented by locals...it's far enough off the strip and out of the way that it's not really what you think of when you think Las Vegas. Not glamorous, not ritzy, and not at all sexy. Also, obviously, not a hell of a lot of fun.


Who is that handsome stud in the mirrored door? Yours truly...the resident Vegas tourist, malcontent, and idiot.


My. Well, this is probably my second and final meal at Arizona Charlie's. Why did the waiter start talking to me in a language other than English? Was that supposed to be gravy? Why was the meat loaf round? Why didn't the food have any actual taste? Couldn't I have just spent the $7 on a copy of Juggs magazine and had a better time? When water is the most flavorful part of your meal, you're eating at the wrong place.


In the parking garage. It gets to be 120 degrees at times in Las Vegas. I'll still take that over the -40 you sometimes get in Minneapolis. Give me the heat every time. Besides, the hotter it gets, the fewer clothes women can wear. And while this isn't always a good thing, it can be.


Next to the trash can in the parking lot of Sportsman's Royal Manor. Unloved and abandoned. It's wearing a shirt and i was curious what it said, but I didn't want to touch it to find out. Later it was gone. Hopefully it was adopted by homeless urchins and they're playing with it right now. Or maybe a dog ran away with it. Who can really say? Me thinking about it that much gives it more attention that it ever deserved.